How to Get "Win-Win"

Farmer Brown wonders ("Oh dear oh dear oh dear!") whether it would help if he got a tattoo, would the PAS then pay some attention to his needs too?

Remember the free metal detecting rally I was going to hold at Grunter’s Hollow using “the Surrey Council Premise“? …. [...] It was a total disaster. No-one turned up. Not even anyone from PAS. [...] Oh well. I think next time I’ll advertise it like others do – “twenty squid a day, undisturbed pasture, lots of crop marks, loadza dealers on site, teeth optional, no sharing finds with the farmer (unless you’re daft enough to admit to anyone you’ve found something worth more than two grand)”. That way I’ll make oodles, the artefact hunters and dealers will make even more oodles and the PAS will claim they know for sure that nearly everything was recorded and nearly nothing was held back as they have X-ray glasses.